WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?

"What do you bring to the table?"

Nothing. I bring nothing to the table. 

I am the table, the very one holding it all together.

I have a job that works around my child's schedules.

I am the alarm & the human reminders.

I do scheduling, all the planning & appointments.

I am the backup plan & the original plan. The calendar, the memory, the safety net.

I carry the invisible load no one sees but everyone depends on.

I am the late nights & the early mornings. 

The one who knows what’s needed before it’s even said.

I make everyday run as usual.

I show up every single time. Even when i’m tired, even when i’m overwhelmed.

I don’t just keep things together, i am what keeps it all from falling apart.

So no. I don’t bring anything to the table. 

I am the table.

ALMOST 5 - FILLED WITH DUAS & MIRACLES

There was a time when my days revolved around lullabies, milk bottles & tiny socks that somehow always went missing. Back then, everything about her felt so small. Her fingers wrapped around mine, her soft baby scent, the way she needed me for everything (even until today). I remember thinking those days were long (because i was mostly just alone with her), sometimes exhausting but i never realized just how fleeting they were.

This year, my daughter will be five. Five. Asking questions about school, about what she sees each day, and sharing her thoughts & feelings. Her voice is clearer, her thoughts are bigger & her independence, her will power, it surprises me every single day.

But if i'm being honest, there was a time when we were very worried about that very voice. 

I still remember when she was two. While other children her age were starting to form words & simple sentences, she mostly mumbled. And her only clear words were 'mommy' & 'daddy'. We at first, told ourselves not to compare, that every child develops at their own pace. But deep down, the concern was always there.

So we took that step. We brought her to therapy, both government & private. There were sessions, small exercises, repeated words & quiet prayers in between. It wasn’t always easy. There were moments of doubt, moments when we questioned whether we were doing enough, or doing things right. And honestly, i still carry that feeling even now, despite how much she has progressed, because a part of me is still afraid that what we’ve done might still not be enough.

But we kept going. Alhamdulillah. Slowly, things began to change for the better. A new word here. A clearer sound there. Then one day, without even realizing it, she started talking more. Expressing more. Connecting her thoughts into sentences. And now? Now she is chatty. Her words aren’t perfect yet because there are still mispronunciations. But the progress is there, and it means everything.

Alhamdulillah, everything is coming together so beautifully. She’s no longer my baby. Not even my toddler anymore. She’s becoming her own little person. And now, she's already in kindergarten preparing herself for Standard 1 in the next two years. 

It feels surreal. Two more years & she’ll be stepping into a new phase of life. School routines, new friends, responsibilities & a world that is slowly expanding beyond me. I find myself thinking a lot about how to prepare her. Not just academically but emotionally too. How do i teach her confidence, kindness, resilience? I want her to be unbreakable, strong & firm just like me, but even better. I pray that she will adapt & get along very well. InsyaAllah. 

Sometimes, i wish i could pause time. Just for a while. To hold on to this version of her. The curious five-year-old who still reaches for my hand, who still calls for me day & night, who still needs me in ways i understand.

But i know that growing is part of her journey. And learning to let go, just a little more each day, is part of mine. So now, instead of wishing time would slow down, i try to soak it all in every single day. The laughter, the questions, the small milestones that don’t feel small at all. I remind myself that while she may not be a baby anymore, she will always be my child, always and forever. 

May Allah ease Nur Aqisya Emara's journey always until the end of the time. May the world always be kind to her. May she always be confidence, kind & resilience. May she be guided in every step she takes, protected from harm seen & unseen, and always surrounded by good companions who uplift her heart & faith. May Aqisya's mind be filled with wisdom, her heart with kindness & her spirit with courage when life feels heavy. May she grow into someone who brings light wherever she goes & may she always find her way back to peace and Allah whenever she is lost or overwhelmed. And may my husband & i, as her parents, be granted strength, patience & wisdom to guide her gently through every season of her life. InsyaAllah. Amin YRA. 

Mommy loves you Aqisya. To the end of every road you walk, through every sunrise you see & in every little step you take, my love will always be with you. Always & forever ❤︎

LIFE LATELY

I realized my last post was on 3rd March last year. Somehow, that feels like a good reason to write again today for 2026. Time has a funny way of moving. Some days feel long and heavy, yet somehow a whole year has quietly passed. Looking back, i don’t remember every single details, but i know i’m not the same person i was when i last wrote here.

Life lately has been a mix of routine and quiet lessons. Some days are very productive, some are just about getting through & both feel equally valid. I’m learning to be kinder to myself, to accept that progress doesn’t always look instantly impressive from the outside. Sometimes, simply living through ordinary days is already enough.

Maybe this post isn’t meant to say anything big. Maybe it’s just a small marker in time, a reminder that i was here, living, trying & growing in my own way. 

And if I ever come back, maybe sooner, maybe later, or even a year from now. And read this again, i hope i’ll smile & realize that even small progress matters, leading us toward a better future. 

Step by step, good progress will come. Keep going, InsyaAllah!