It has been two months since i stepped into my new role as Special Officer to the Chief Statistician of Malaysia.
From the outside, i suppose it sounds quite impressive. But working closely with the person at the highest level of the organisation. Sitting in meetings i used to participate in, only to realize that i had previously seen perhaps only max 50% of the bigger picture. Being closer to the center of decision-making. And yes, i am grateful for the opportunity. Very grateful.
But if there is one thing this first two months has taught me, it is this: The closer you get to the top, the more you realize there is no room to think you are above anyone. In fact, this role has been one of the most humbling experiences for me.
Being close to the top leader doesn't make me feel “higher”. If anything, it makes me more aware of how much i still have to learn. And somehow, it also makes me feel a little vulnerable. Because when you get closer to the top, you realize that no matter how important a position may seem, we are all replaceable at work. Titles change. Roles change. People move on.
A position may bring you closer to the top, but if anything, it should teach you to appreciate every little things more. I am still learning how to navigate this role, still figuring things out, still making mistakes and asking funny questions. But I hope i never lose the person i was before this title came along.
I've been in my previous division, the Strategic Communication & International Statistics Division, for seven years. Seven years is a long time. I can almost confidently say i knew the division inside out. How it worked, who to go to, what needed to be done & more importantly, how to get things done.
I was comfortable. I knew my ground. I knew my people. I knew what i was doing. Then i moved into this new position. And hell, suddenly, i had to start again. Maybe not from zero, but from a solid 6 out of 10. I know 6 is enough to get by, but the remaining 4? Yeah that's where the struggling are. Lol.
It's humbling to go from feeling like you know almost everything in one place to suddenly being reminded that you actually know very little in another.
And while i'm learning all these new things, i'm also navigating my own mental space. Trying to adjust to a completely different pace, environment & level of responsibility. Because outside of this position, i'm still me. I'm a mother. I'm a wife. I have a family waiting for me at the end of the day. There are responsibilities outside of work, little things at home, people who need me & a life that doesn't pause just because i'm trying to find my footing in a new role.
Sometimes, it feels like i'm learning how to balance everything all over again. Being present at work, being present for my family & still trying to take care of myself somewhere in between. And honestly, some days i handle it better than others, while some other days, i just barely keep it together. But i'm still here. Still learning. Still trying.
This position may be mine for years, or it may only be for a few months. Either way, i hope it will be a fruitful chapter for me. The one that teaches me something, grows me in ways i may not yet understand, and leaves me better than i was before.
Whatever it is, may Allah make it meaningful, ease what feels difficult & allow me to give my best while i'm here. May Allah also ease this journey for me, give me strength when i feel like i have none left & help me find the patience & courage to keep going. May He make this responsibility something i can carry with grace & keep my heart grounded through all of it. InsyaAllah.
