WE GOT A NEW CAR

Me and my family got a new car for me! Yayy! A brand new Bezza 1.3 AV with my birth date as the plate number hehe. And my Kancil can finally rest well and just go for the shortest distance near home compared to before. Fyi, this Kancil has been with our family since 2002 and still going to be with us until then (read: not for sale). InsyaAllah. Alhamdulillah. Thank you Kancil for all of your hard work and pain all these years and welcome Bezza to our family. Lots of love, your owner. 

AT THE AGE OF 27

Age is truly just a number and i think that society really just sets such expectations for us to feel like we need to have something or be something by a certain age. It may be good at some point for us to keep going and to never stay at the same damn position forever. But on the other note, it isn't fair to pressure ourselves to feel like by a certain age, this and that should already be happening in life because whats meant to be will definitely be and vice versa. There is no time limit on the things that should happens because when thing happens, it happens.

At the age of 27, i would say for where i am in my life personally and professionally, i am exactly where i would want to be. Though sometimes i feel like i am actually more than who i am now but hm, never mind, in time i will figure myself out in a better way. Of course there are far too much to take in here in this lifetime. But i guess i am good as for now. Hehe. So here are five major things i learn at the age of 27;

No one is going to do anything for you

In this life, if we want something to happen, we have to work our ass off and make it happen. No fairy godmother is going to come and create a dream carriage for us. Life is what we make of it. If we want to do good in this world, the do good. Opportunities don't just fall from the sky (it does but very rarely) so we got to make it happen ourselves. 

You cannot change people

For years i've been trying to control the outcome of relationships, work, etc. I've tried to make people stay in my life, but they just leave. I've tried to please people, but they never pleased. I've tried to make people see how i can do things at my best, but if they choose to not see it, they will never see it. This year i realized that it is what it is. I choose to be more accepting because people are set in their ways for their own reasons. We can never control things that are out of our control. 

You are going to get criticized no matter what you do. So just do you

We've all been criticized at one time or another. No matter where we are in life, people will always have something to say. Sometimes we think we are doing it well but from another point of view, what we do are still not enough and sometimes even not okay at all. Critics are good for us to develop ourselves. But let's just focus on the positive side of it. So, just live our lives and do things that make us happy on daily basis.  

Do what you love. Not what you are told to love

I frequently be in the position where i don't want to do something but i do it anyway because other people want to do it, or because other people told me to do so. Back then i think that it is okay for me to fake some things just to fit in and to 'force' myself be in the position that i don't even want to be in the first place. But as i get older, i learn that everybody in this world has different interests and opinions about everything and it is not a bad thing as long as we don't violate and harassing others'. If someone prefers being a workaholic, strong-minded and wouldn't mind working extra hours everyday, it is okay as long as that person is okay with that preference. Same goes if someone is a family person and prefer a balance, happy life, there's nothing wrong with that too. Life is short. Just do what we love. Not what we are told to love. And by all means, let other people do what they love too. 

Be nice because being a jerk gets you nowhere

Jerks: You've met them. I've met them. We've been one of them. Well, for some reasons, sometimes it feels good to be a bad person and it always feels good to win an argument. But in the end, being a bad person really gets us nowhere because we are not going to live forever and we are not going to have power forever. We still need others to help us in something. So let's be nice. Not only to other people but to the animals, to the environment, to everything because being nice and do good can really takes us a long way. 

Isn't it, isn't it, isn't it?

THE 'AVERAGE' MILLENNIAL

"The average millennial is thousands in debt, has little in bank, yet loves vacation"

It was the other day when me and my ex housemate were discussing about our household bills since she will be moving out to the quarters nearby and everything in the house will be taken over by me starting January. I remember i asked her to confirm, whether she already settled all of the bills so that there will be no shocking outstanding amount left for me to pay.

And one thing led to another, we suddenly talked about debts and out of the blue, my ex housemate was like, "You know, talking about debts, i know a friend who are willing to apply for a personal loan just for a vacation".

My very first reaction was, "Omg is that even a thing?". Haha. But really though. Tbh, previously, the only 'out of the world' loan for me was the wedding loan. You know, to pay for the one-day wedding expenses. I seriously thought that wedding loan was crazy enough but hands down, this vacation loan is the craziest (for now). I mean, how could you do this to yourself? Pardon me but idk.

Personally, if you ask me, i will never ever put vacation loan in my option. I understand it too well that experiences are always above everything. But it is not worth going into debt especially for something that is not absolutely necessary. Loans are okay but you clearly shouldn't take out personal loan just for a leisure trip. I mean, you may be debt-free now that you can 'afford' unnecessary loans. But in the near future, there will be more loans coming your way such as housing loan, car loan and whatnot. Isn't scary how many debts you have at one time especially at such a young age? And you are not even married nor have kids to send to school yet? Damn. 

I found this video above from a screenshot of a blog sent by my best friend. Well, the blog may conclude that the average millennial is thousands in debt, has little in bank, yet loves vacation. And so we gonna let that reality sinks in. But in the end, everybody knows what they worth and what they actually need in this life. Let us not be stereotyped as entitled and unprepared for the real world. We know ourselves better and we can definitely do better. 

Disclaimer: I pray that there will be nobody started to apply for a vacation loan after reading this just because they heard it for the first time from this blog. Major no. 

2019: A YEAR OF BLESSINGS

I can't believe it is only few days left until 2020. But i can't really say that time flies this year because for some reason, i do feel like this year has been forever haha. However, in general, i can very much conclude that this year is really a year of blessings. Praise be to Allah.

This year was the year i secured a permanent job for myself. The year that all my previous financial problems reduced from 99 to at least 33. Haha. Because you know the second you secured a job, was the time that you will receive the same exact amount of money in your bank account without fail every month. Compared to when you were jobless or just doing a part time job with less amount of salary and your only pathetic hope was to rely on your parents (at least for me) which was not cool at all because i am already 26 years old. 

This year also marked the first year that i give my parents and my sister fixed monthly allowance. Tbh, i never really gave them anything back then. In fact, i was the one who always asked for everything from them. Lol. But now i can literally spoiled them with almost anything (under my budget range) especially on foods hahaha. Not that much but i am still very very happy because the feeling is just so right. 

And i also graduated with my Master's Degree and got engaged. Guess, this year was really the year that i have it all together. Alhamdulillah.

Not only me, but my sister as well graduated with her Bachelor Degree this year (her convocation will be held next year). My mom got promoted at work. My closest friends got married with their loved ones. Seeing my family and friends succeed, find love or just feeling content makes me feel unconditionally happy. 

The only major thing that makes me not-so-happy this year was my weight. Lol. Before any of you send your pitchforks my way because i know it too well that i've been complaining about my weight my whole life but let's be clear, i weight the most this year compared to all the years i thought i were already so fat :') Everybody noticed and said it to my face of how i gained so much weight. I even don't really feel like taking ootd, selfie or pose for a memory to paste on my Instagram as often as i did before because i know that the struggle is getting real since it is no longer that easy to get that 'perfect' kurus angle. 

I really wish that i could turn that around in 2020 especially because it will be the year for me to get married (insyaAllah). I can't be looking at my wedding photos especially tagged, published photos and thinking of how fat i am and feel very insecure and unhappy even on my wedding day. I could not let that happen!

One of my initiatives to lose weight on 2020 is to participate in run / marathon for at least once in a month. I already registered for a 10km run for January and February. More to go cause i do have my own personal goal for this one. I even bought myself a new pair of running shoes, brand new pants and an orbitrek for this. I really hope that i can make it happen this time. I wish to lose at least 15 kg and allow my skin to glow again like how it used to be before my wedding day. So let's do this and turn it into reality. Amin!

I guess, to participate in at least 12 marathons, to get back in shape and to get married in 2020 are already three major goals for me. And of course, i do have others in my bucket list that i need to cross off from time to time. But as for now, i'm just going to put the spotlight on these three first.

I pray that 2020 will be good for us with full of love, success, good news and blessings. 2019 was definitely a year made for me but i pray that 2020 will be just as great, if not, better than 2019. I also pray that 2020 will be one of peace, prosperity and health for me, my family and all of us. InsyaAllah. May Allah ease everything in 2020. Amin YRA. 

MY FIRST FURNITURE

Nothing much. But just wanted to save it here that on this date, i bought and got my first ever furniture for my (our future) home!

These are actually for my current use for the month. But in the near future, these shall be placed in my (our) guest room. Tbh, i was never really into white color before because i am aware that white is not as easy as any other colors especially dark colors to sustain. However, from now on, safe to disclose that most of my furniture-to-be will be white in color. 

Well, at least that's the plan for now. Let's get back soon. Hehe. 

TWO LESS FISH IN THE SEA

ALHAMDULILLAH. WE ARE ENGAGED!

Can't believe i'll ever say this in this lifetime. Haha. I mean, i remember last time when i told myself, my family and my friends that i never wanted to get engaged. I wanted to straightly get married instead. Lol. How time is a funny thing. But yeah, i am someone's fiancee now. I feel like a grown up woman somehow. Though things were never really changed. Except for there are two rings on my ring finger.

Tbh, i can't recall how the idea of engagement came to us since my boyfriend (which i can now call him my fiance) never get down on one knee or properly proposed me like how we saw on movies or social media. Haha. But one thing for sure is, we made it official and we got engaged on my fiance's birthday on the 16th November. Like, Wow! Congratulations man! You got me as your fiancee on your 26th birthday. You must be very lucky. Hahaha.

At first, me and my family intended to only invite our small circle of family, put on the merisik and engagement ring, recite tahlil and doa selamat. The initial plan was also to only invite about 200 guests (family only) with 2 canopies in our courtyard. That was all. However, we ended up inviting literally every person in our family trees, our neighbors from the same village and even some of our friends (including everybody's friends and my fiance's close friends). From catering to rewang, with a cow sponsored by my Tok Teh for food and 80 ayam golek freshly cooked at the majlis. From 2 canopies to 6 canopies. And finally from 5 cars of rombongan lelaki to almost 20 cars. What a day. Haha.

Alhamdulillah my engagement went very well and almost perfect for me. The rewang was done and helped by the villagers and my family members. They called the team as Olek Sekampung. They even had their final meeting together at our house until very late at night the day before the date. Thanks to them. May Allah bless them eternally. The food was likewise just as good. Some of my family members also brought some foods to share and eat together in the morning. Even my Mak Ngah Anne baked 6 types of cakes for my engagement. Thanks to them as well. I love hearing how everybody was so happy with the food. Alhamdulillah. 

As for my own personal preparation, i did save some of my income for this event (like, of course haha). I took 2 days off from the office so that i can come home and be prepared earlier. To list out; i rented a dais, 4 shaggy white carpets to put in front of the dais, a MUA and a henna artist. My dulang hantaran were from my senior from Silih Cerana Dulang Hantaran. I even hired my high school friend, Saidatul Fatini to capture the moment and i will also print these memories of my engagement day via Lifebuuk. Hehe.

Tbh, i was supposed to wear pink (my favorite color) for my engagement. The plan was to wear saree kurung like how the Raja Permaisuri Agong always wear in public. I already bought the full set of attire including a big gold crown just so my style will look exactly like her. But one thing led to another, and because of my insecurity with my fattest-in-history size (lol), i ended up wearing this purple / lilac kurung dress. Fyi, everything about this kurung dress was done one week and few days before the engagement. Phew.

And not to forget, major thank you to my best friend, Sarah Yazmin for helping me to put on my hijab, crown and veil. She also helped me with my makeup because i sweat like a beast (no workout needed lol). Hence, the reason why my makeup always come off very easily. I swear i need to browse on how to make my makeup last all day long so that on my wedding day later, i will still look and feel good even after the evening outdoor photo shoot session #prayforfiqazizi

Initially, my fiance told me that he couldn't made it to our engagement because he was too busy with his work day and night. And i believed him in that because he was indeed very busy since a month before our engagement. We didn't even contact or speak with each other that much along that time because of his work commitment. So i was like, yeah it's fine though. K k sabar sabar ugh. But again, he suddenly showed up out of nowhere like how he did during my convocation day. This was his second surprise to us all especially to me. But honestly, i am truly glad that he made it to experience this with us. To my fiance, please be known that the next time if you tell me that you are not coming or not around, i will just assume that you will be there instead. So be there! Idc! Serve you right. Hahaha.

Last but not least, Alhamdulillah for everything. Thank you to my family, to everyone who was helping, came to our house and those who were part of my engagement. I can never thank you enough. May Allah bless every one of you. Amin! After all, destiny is in the hands of Allah. There are three things that are already written for us since the very beginning; Death, wealth and who we marry. Allah knows. Allah knows. May Allah rest His blessings upon us and ease everything for me, my fiance and our families throughout this engagement period. Amin YRA. InsyaAllah.

P/S: There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Obviously my rod already succeed to catch my one and only. Other female can use their baits and go fishing somewhere else. Haram ganggu tunangan orang. Okay bye. 

IT'S A LONG (PRODUCTIVE) MONTH

I don't know about others but somehow, i like it when i'm busy. Not too busy but just busy. I like it when i have work to be done, i like it when i am required to go places and i like it when looking at good things done, and i know it was me who did it or part of it. It's just one of the reasons to keep my heart warm. And to know that i am still relevant and worth it. Lol. 

These previous weeks had been eventful for me. It was all started when i applied for a one week break from the office to go to Yogyakarta with my sister. And suddenly, for the week before that, i was required to be at Hotel Seri Malaysia, Port Dickson for a week for Program Transformasi Minda (PTM). PTM is one of the in-service verification requirements for the government servants.

I started to feel ill at ease because just like that, it marks two weeks of me being off from the office. And i am very much aware that i had so many works to be done. Nonetheless, at the same time, i had to be 'selfish' and be happy that i was granted two weeks off from the office. Hahaha. 

Btw, Jogja was breath-taking. I guess everybody knows that Jogja is very famous with Borobudur and gondola ride. But one major thing i learn from Jogja was, at most of the villages, barter remains central to day-to-day subsistence. It's kinda blow my mind off because i really thought that barter is no longer today. Damn. I love how the places we know very little about often turn out to be the most fulfilling. Actually, I was thinking of writing a blog post in detail about Jogja but then, because of time constraint, this will have to do. 

And proudly to announce, I AM GRADUATED WITH MASTER OF SCIENCE IN APPLIED STATISTICS! My convocation was held on the 9th October. It's crazy how when i was studying, i was thinking of writing a long caption on my Instagram / blog post, talking about how challenging, how exhausting, how frantic was the journey to achieve this. But when the day of the event, i just have no idea of what to write as my Instagram caption. In fact, i have no idea on what to write here too. Haha.

Above all, Alhamdulillah for this. Thank you for my family for always be there for me, letting me do whatever i want to do, no matter how delicate i was / am in everything. And thank you to AA for surprising me by attending my convocation day. He managed to convinced me that he wasn't able to come but then, there he was. Hehe. 

Last but not least, we went to Muar, Johor for three days to celebrate Hari Statistik Negara (MyStats Day) & Sambutan 70 Tahun DOSM. I went to Muar by car all alone at night with my Kancil that my mom was worried sick that she asked me to buy a new car instead hahaha. But hey, my Kancil may be old, but she is a tough cookie okay. She may have come so far but she can go further. Watch her! Haha.

MyStats Day went well i must say. The final event was at Dewan Jubli Intan Sultan Ibrahim, Muar. And thank god for Hairul (our officemate), he is from Muar. After all of the events are done, he took us to experience Muar by eating his mom's home-cooked mee bandung, went to the Muar souvenirs shop to buy mee bandung paste and etc, went to Tanjung Emas and finally went to the famous Kopi 434 for final refreshment before we go back to reality.

Aside from these, I also went to Plenary Hall, KLCC, Putrajaya Marriott Hotel and Parliament of Malaysia for other work / events. And i probably will be going to Bangi Convention Centre these coming days for another workshop. I mean, there will be more coming, more to do, more to experience, more to be happy and stressed about. But for now, Alhamdulillah for everything.

Tbh, these previous days had been kinda hard for me. Nevertheless, every time i'm feeling all of the negative vibes, i remind myself that, having a job can cause so much stress, but then again, so does not having a job. Pressure and problem are just everywhere. I can either run from them or deal with them. So, brb, planning my next day off. Lol!

P/S: My Master's Dissertation is already published online as a journal! Gotta save the link here for myself hehe: Springer Link.