LONG OVERDUE UPDATES & 2022 SO FAR

Assalamualaikum and hello to anyone reading this. This post most probably would be the last post for 2022 because i don't think i will have the free time ever again to blog until January. Especially when i was already drafted my second anniversary blog update on the day of the anniversary but it ended up postponed until my daughter's first birthday, postponed again until the birthday celebration which was two weeks later and until today, literally a month overdue. 

There's a lot going on with this life (of course) but yeah, to update here just by counting the blessings, me and my husband are already being together for two years and our daughter is now one year old. Alhamdulillah. We get to celebrate our anniversary as a family with our little girl and we also managed to set a simple birthday party/ celebration for Aqisya including all of our family members. Though she was sick on the night of the celebration and got warded for the first time at Hospital Putrajaya the day after, but alhamdulillah, she is A-okay now. 

Reflecting on 2022, this year has been about nothing but Aqisya, our daughter (obviously). It's the year about we becoming the new parents, how we learned plenty of new things and managed to raise our baby together until she is one year old (may she lives for many years to come. Amin YRA). As the saying goes; it takes a village to raise a child. It's true though. We didn't just raise her by ourselves but also with my sister (who lives with me), our parents, family and even our colleagues were involved. Especially when Aqisya frequently had fever, cough and flu literally like once a month in general. Our leaves (day off) were all been used not because we were going on holidays or such, but because of the emergency leaves when our baby was not in the pink of health. However, we are both are still thankful since everybody was cooperating well and very understanding towards us. Of course there were hiccups here and there but then again, too few to mention. 

Altogether, i don't think i actually achieved anything big this year other than being a mother. Haha. Probably because i'm so devoted to being a mother especially during this first year being a parent with my first baby that i don't really bother about anything else but her. So yeah, i perhaps shall plan ahead for my 2023 so that i can actually achieve something significant next year for my dear self. May Allah ease everything for us in 2023. The best is yet to come. InsyaAllah. 

WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A MOM (MY EDITION)

WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A MOM

(AQISYA'S MOMMY EXHAUSTIVE LIST EDITION):

First few days was a total blur. My first day at home, I fed my baby with only 2ml of milk during her feeding time in the evening. It was supposed to be 60ml. I mean, what on earth was i thinking?!

In the early days, I don’t even want to be left alone with just me and my baby. It was so terrifying. I literally need help 24/7.

My husband was the first one to learn and master in handling the baby compared to me.

The Confinement Lady (CL) came every day for 3 weeks straight and at some point, I feel like I don’t even need her. Because I need my rest and my sleep especially during the morning (while the baby was also sleeping). 

The real struggle began when my husband was already back to work and the CL is no longer coming to help me in the house. Which means, I was alone with just me and the baby.

When my baby was at crying-all-night phase. I got mad just by thinking of my husband who was sleeping soundly far away and here I am with a crying baby all night. Haha.  

It took me many days to finally discover how to shower my baby properly and not being stressed during her shower time. 

I learn to love someone more than I love myself. Endlessly. And I finally understand why my mom acts in certain ways because of me.  

Being a mother make me realize that it is actually so hard to be a stay at home mom. Because there is actually nothing can be done since the focus is only for the baby. Like seriously. 

I used to have empathy only for animals like cats, doggies, etc. But since Aqisya was born, it breaks me to tears to see babies being treated badly or unjustly. 

The first 3 months really took a toll on me. It was so tiring. I even wonder how am I going to survive being a working mom. But somehow, eventually I did because it gets better every day since I kinda learn how to juggle with it from time to time. Though i'm still learning. 

No more small bags or no bag whenever we go out and about. 

Everything need to be done very quickly. And sometimes, nothing can even be done at all because the baby is the priority. I mean, the baby gets what the baby wants. All the time.

I became more defensive. As an example, I no longer breastfeed my baby. So, when anyone wants to question about my decision and be a milk police, I will stop them immediately like, ok, stop right there, your opinion and critic does not matter to me. Sorry not sorry. 

It bugs me when people pretend like they know my baby more than me and shower me with their comments and random assumptions. PSA: NO ONE KNOWS AND WANTS THE BEST FOR THE BABY MORE THAN THE MOTHER. PERIOD.

I no longer shop for myself. I only shop for my baby. No lie. 

I give up a lot but get back so much in return.

7kg is heavy if it’s a bag of rice or anything else. But it’s not that heavy if it’s my baby. Like surprisingly, I can handle carrying her for minutes or even an hour. Unless if there is a stroller or carrier, please. give. me. that. stroller. and. carrier. #sendhelp

I became 100% more paranoid, more anxious, more cautious on everything. Even when I already be so careful, it still scares me if I’m the one who will be hurting my baby. Nauzubillah. May Allah always protect Aqisya from any harm and danger. Amin YRA. 

My baby is my everything. She comes first every single time. She is above anything. She is like the magic magnet that attract all my other attentions, priorities to her. Like, nothing else really matters anymore but her.

The anger is real. The struggle is real. The tiredness is real. And when you lost it for seconds, the guilt is real. As real as it gets. 

OUR BABIES ARE THE CUTEST THING IN THE WORLD. EVERY ONE OF THEM. FIGHT ME. 

I love kids shows now. Several times me and my daughter were watching Peppa Pig or Cocomelon together but end up with just me watching the show haha. 

You know “that mom” who shares too many of child photos on social media and only having child-related stories to share online. Me too. Because I am “that mom” now. Lol. Whatever. My instagram, my rules #tiber

There is nothing so pure in this world as a belly laugh from our child. It’s okay to be a clown, to be a monkey or even a troll, as long as we can hear our baby’s laugh. 

Learning I am both more vulnerable and stronger than I realized.

I appreciate my husband even more and convinced that he is a good husband and a good father after we have a baby. He works full time and only comes home during the weekends. He does what he can when he's home including bathe the baby, change the diapers and everything day and night. I am blessed to have such a helpful and understanding husband. May this last forever.

My sister is the second mother to my child. Even when she's also tired like crazy, she still has to help me with my baby every time when I passed out haha. God bless her. 

I have my own list of short prayers (duas) for my baby that I recite with her every morning before she’s going to school. And the duas list increases by days. May Allah respond the duas with acceptance. Amin YRA. 

6 MONTHS OF TOGETHERNESS

I don't even know what to write about actually. But this blog need to be updated cause it's been a while. Lol. So, let's talk about my new obsession which is my daughter, Aqisya. Alhamdulillah she is 6 months old already. Growing all strong, healthily and beautifully. I mean, look at her. She looks just like me #selfclaimed. I remember when she was like 1 or 2 months old, my husband always brag about how she looks like him. But now, sorry you old man. Mommy always wins. Haha. 

It's been few days since Aqisya first started her weaning journey. Until now she has already tasted rice porridge, rice rusk, bok choy and celery. Somehow, so far so good for her. Our plan is to introduce her to vegetables first then we move on to fruits, meats and everything delicious. I really hope for her to not be a picky eater. But looking at her growing, i know she will be just okay with anything. InsyaAllah. Let's pray that mommy will also be persistent on cooking the moment she is older. So that she will not just eat junk foods till she's fat just like mommy did. Lol. 

Aqisya is also doing good at her nursery. Her teacher (read: baby sitter) never called me even once saying that she's not doing okay. I mean, we should just be so thankful that Aqisya is such an easy baby in everything. She never cried on unnecessary things. Most of the time, we know exactly what she wants every time she cries. She also pee and poop well. Alhamdulillah. She is a blessing. Hence, i will only count the blessings when it comes to her. Even when she cries can also be music to my ears haha. The love songs that are playing on the radio now are also about her. Maybe it's just me being a mom but i pray that Allah will let our precious Aqisya to be with us for a long long time. And may Allah always protect her from evil and danger even from me when i am harmful. Amin YRA. 

We love you Aqisya. Everybody in the family loves you. In fact, everybody who sees you, love you. Mommy pray that you will always find a way to love and value yourself when you are older because you are just so worthy and nothing less. 

END OF MY MATERNITY LEAVE

 

It's mid January already, Aqisya will be 3 months old on this 17th January. So yeah, it marks the end of my 90 days maternity leave. I'll be back on my feet to start my working life again next Wednesday. Of course, there are ton of emotions that come along with the end of this maternity leave especially when my priorities has shifted and the perspective on everything also changed. I'm also definitely harrowed by it (most probably because of the postpartum emotions: lack of sleeps, hormonal changes and etc). 

We already sending Aqisya to the nursery starting this new year so that she and I can get a smooth transition of the upcoming situation. She needs to learn it as early as 2 months that her mother will not going to be with her 24/7 once her mother is back to work. And she also needs to be okay with it. Alhamdulillah Aqisya is all okay with everything. She is such a healthy, easy and happy baby. She gives me no worries and somehow like saying to me like, ''it's okay mommy, you can go to work and please earn more money for me''. Haha. 

Well, to be frank, it's not her that i am most worried about. I know she is a strong girl and she will get through anything. It's actually my working culture. I'm working at a place where we have ton of never-ending workloads that we have to give our full commitments to get the work done. It's always about time constraint that we can never afford to waste any. Teamwork is also very important at my place. Like, we are just very very productive haha. Well, it's good to be busy rather than wasting all of our time during the office hours pretending to be fruitful and it's great to be somehow an important person in an organization but sometimes i envy those who don't have that much of work but still getting paid fairly. Haha k k k. 

After all, i pray that this transition from my 3 months maternity leave to going back being a brand new working mom will be as smooth as possible. I thank God that my Director since the previous one to this current one are someone who always understand their staff well and not that kind of lunatic boss who we can just simply be stressful about. They can differentiate well from work and personal situation. And yes, having the boss' support can really make a huge difference. I also know it well that i need to set boundaries as early from day 1 back to work with my coworkers to set expectations. 

It's not that i'm trying to get away all the time by using the i'm-a-mom ticket but i really pray that my coworkers and everybody can understand especially that i'm still not living under the same roof with my husband since he is still working at Melaka and her we are in Putrajaya. I may somehow be exaggerating but yeah, during the weekdays, i am a ''single mother'' because my husband is only here during the weekends. So, yeah. Haha. 

But, to my coworkers, there's no need to worry though. It's just that the way i used to work may no longer work for me from now on because my priorities has shifted. But i know my responsibilities. Work is still work. It will still be done in one way or another but not with me being in the office until the after office hours or late night anymore. Hehe. Because i have Aqisya now and she needs me and i need her even more even during the weekdays. And i will be there and fight for her whenever, wherever. Period. 

Going back to work after maternity leave is indeed challenging. I mean, i'm still at home today with my baby but my heart is already feels so heavy hahaha. But hey, for many, it does get better right? And i suppose too. May Allah ease Afiqah Norazizi's working mom journey, may her boss and her coworkers are always as understanding as ever and may Aqisya always be in the pink of health so that she can always be mommy's and daddy's healthy, easy and happy baby. InsyaAllah. Amin YRA.