This is Isytal (read: Kristal). I named her Kristal because i took her from my apartment, Kristal View at Shah Alam. She was such a very small stray kitten back then the moment i decided to take her to my hometown with me. I often saw her at the lift lobby. Every time i was at the lift to go up or down, she was always there. Alone. I remember it was Ramadhan, and all of us were having Ramadhan break. All of my friends already went back to their hometowns but i was still at Shah Alam because i was working at Shell which i need to wait for the weekend.
I don't know whether Isytal was an abandoned cat that someone left her alone or her mom died from something. But she was always alone by herself. I can't afford seeing her in that condition cause i don't think she'll survive for long. Me and my family never really take stray cats home with us because we have enough cats already at home and my mom never allows us.
But not this time. Isytal need to come home with me. I need to take care of her. She need to have a forever home. She can't be a stray cat forever, i told myself. Firm.
So i took some empty boxes at the Shell station to put her in while in the car. At the evening, when i came back at the apartment, she suddenly was not there. I remember, i asked one of cleaner staff, an Indonesian guy to help me find Isytal. I found her at around 5pm that i decided to put her for a while at my Pak Lang's house. Pak Lang told me not to come at that time because of the traffic. But i wanted to make sure that Isytal was safe and i can't let her be in my apartment because i know that my housemates will not like her in the house.
The traffic jam was real. The distance from my apartment to Pak Lang's was supposed to only take about 20 minutes, but i took almost 2 hours because of the traffic. The moment i came back at my apartment, it was almost 8pm. I don't even eat or drink anything yet. And it was Ramadhan. But i was happy enough because i know that Isytal was already in a good hand.
She grew up beautifully at my hometown, safe and sound. My mom helped me in taking care of her and the rest of the cats. All of my cats are literally white and orange in color. But not Isytal. Hehe. She's different. She's grey. But she's not alone because my dad also bring home 2 stray cats from his workplace and both were black and grey just about the same size and age as her. They were like triplet from the same mother and bestfriends.
Isytal was such a good cat. Everytime we let her out from the cage, she never make any scene like breaking a vase, pooping everywhere or anything. Nothing. She was more than a good cat. She never burden us. She grown up beautifully that my male cats fell in love with her. I bet she already has kittens inside her little tummy. I rarely take photos of her because she's rarely inside the house. She likes to stay outside and do her own thing.
But yesterday morning, i hit her with my car. I didn't realized she was there. I thought none of my cats were under the car that the garage was clear. One of her eyeballs popped out from her head. I never wanted to turn back time so much until the moment i saw her bleeding, struggling for her life on the floor. I ended up sitting on floor, next to her, apologizing to her while looking at her dying body. My head was blank. Stressful surreal blank. I called my mom, dad and my sister but none of them answered my phone calls. That's when i started to cry a river. I called my bestfriend, Sarah. And i don't even remember what i really said to her because i was sobbing hard and my mind was literally gone for seconds with Isytal's soul.
It was all my fault. I take the blame forever. It was my fault cause i didn't checked under the car before i moved, i also didn't honk the car like i always did. I remember the day i hold her and told her to not worry for a thing no more cause i got her for life. I got you, Isytal. But in the end, it was me that hit her hard with my car so bad until she died because of me. The irony.
Dear Isytal, it was so heartbreaking seeing you dying like this with blood all over your body. I am truly sorry that i can't no longer help you at that time. I am sorry for my failure to give you sufficient attention that you need in life that i ended up hit you and killed you by myself. I am sorry for everything.
I am beyond happy to have you home with me. I hope you were happy growing up here with the family as well. I just want you to know that i love you the moment i first time saw you at the lift lobby. I love you so much now, until forever. I hope you never hate me for causing you death. You was not just any cat. You were the first cat that i brought home from Shah Alam to Seliau. It took about 2 hours driving. And driving a cat home, alone, was never easier. Thanks to you.
Losing a cat is excruciating. Losing you, Isytal, like this, is undeniably excruciating. In fact, i'm going through it and grieving as i write this. This is indeed, one of the most intense experiences i have to get through. I love you Isytal. I will always do. And i don't want to forget about you. May we reunite in the hereafter. Kakak sayang Isytal.
