EID MUBARAK

I was thinking of trying to be cool with the pink shades but i ended up looking like an awkward lalat. It was such a disappointment since i've already imagined about this pose (with the shades) since the day i bought this baju raya. This photo obviously didn't pass to be one of my Instagram posts. But since i can't let this photo go unposted, hence, it's here. Thank you social media. I've officially lost my chill. Shame. And i really need to lose weight for real. Maybe now. Or maybe later. Okay. Double the shame.

Make up is always compulsory to women, girls (and me) especially on such occasions such as hari raya, of course. Oh, no make up guru or make up police should ever dare come to me and tell me to blend my eye shadows this and that because i've blended it already. Not your typical Youtube tutorial ways of blending. But my way. Hahaha. Ok fine. I didn't blend at all. I just put em on. Lol! I've been doing make up since as long as i can remember but until today, i never really know and bother on how it supposed to be done. I don't really follow the guidelines, rules of make up whatever. All i know is, as long as my face looks okay, then i guess i'm good. 

Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir Batin.

RAMADHAN KAREEM

 Our favorite month is here again. Alhamdulillah for another Ramadhan. I always love the idea of Ramadhan. How i suddenly have a positively evident change in me, like how being patient becomes so much easier because i know it's Ramadhan and i know better reward is awaits (even though i am actually a short tempered kinda person). The feeling to supplicate is also more than ever because i know i will be granted. And of course, how it not only brings out the best in me, but also in the ones that i love and the ones that love me.

 I thank Allah for He always put me with those who are near and want to be near to Him. For instance, my high school is one of my greatest blessing in life because there was where i was molded to be determined and driven individual, as well as being a faithful servant. I remember one of those time where i was so damn lazy that i hate going to the surau to perform our jemaah prayers, to recite the Quran, Al Ma'thurat every Friday morning. How i was so lazy to recite the Al Mulk every night before the light off. But in the end, since we did it religiously for 5 solid years, i realized that i am still practicing them until today. Not every single day for i am not that perfect. But still, Alhamdulillah. 

 And it doesn't stop there since i am that type of person who will copy any act of kindness and good deeds from other people around me. If it's good, i will follow the act and if it's not, i will tell my best friend about it hahaha jkjk. My UiTM friends are also the ones that directly and indirectly helped me to be better each day. Ever since i was studying Diploma until now, i am blessed with roommates that never missed their prayers, regularly read the Quran and do the supplementary ibadah such as the tahajjud prayers. I admit that there are time where the devil inside me is taking over like no other. But when i saw my friends is getting ready to perform the prayers, read the Quran, i will get on my feet and do the same deed as well. It's the little things that make life big. And i genuinely appreciate that.

So for this Ramadhan, just like the previous ones, i really wish that i will be granted with Lailatul Qadr. I know all my life, with so little efforts that i have made compared to the others, i actually always get more than what i deserved. Alhamdulillah for that. But for this time around, i truly hope that all of my ultimate wishes for this Ramadhan are bestowed. These past days had been a time of reflection for me. I can't say that it was an utter torture since i can still handle the situation quite well. But it's still kinda heavy. Thus, i hope this Ramadhan will shower us so much blessings and provides solace and serenity for all. InsyaAllah.

P/S: Have a blessed Ramadhan, AE. 

ABANG SYAFIQ IS MARRIED!

The first cicit in the PKHA family (my father's side of the family) is finally married! Well i can claim that Abang Syafiq is literally getting married too soon simply because he didn't wait for me (lol). I am the second cicit born one month after him. And now the family are 'chasing' after me asking about when is my turn to get married as well. Okay stop right there because this isn't about me, this is about Syafiq. Hahaha.

I thank God because my somehow jam-packed calendar leaves time for this solemnization both for Jasin (14th April) and Seremban (22nd April) that actually really matter to me. I was so worried before the dates because sometimes i have to say yes to my schedule and in order to say yes to those things, i need to say no to others. Hence, thank God that i didn't have to say no to this kenduri.  

I always love gathering with my extended family. I am so lucky because i was born in such a happy, beautiful family from both of my parents' sides. I mean, i read online on how some youngsters can't bear with family gathering that they whine about how dysfunctional their families are, but Alhamdulillah, family gathering is never unbearable for me because we are so close to each other and so happy meeting each other.

The wedding for both sides went well. I've seen the potential in both of the lovebirds, i know that this marriage will work and last. May the relationship become more beautiful as the days pass by. And may Allah bless this marriage forever. Amin YRA!

P/S: I still remember when our Wan told me to marry Abang Syafiq because it's going to be easy she said, since we are cousins. I always laughed, because i know things don't really work that way, and told her that, "Syafiq dah ada Syafiqah, Afiqah tak boleh". And she was like, "Taknak, wan nak Piqah". Hahaha. It was a good old time actually with her. 

Wan, Abang Capiq dah kahwin tau wan. Nanti wan dapat cicit pula. Hehe

Al Fatihah for our grandparents, Wan Rafeah & Atok Nordin. Al Fatihah.

THE KIND OF FLAWLESS I WISH I COULD BE

This is so random but i guess most (or maybe some) of my friends especially those on social media already knew that i'm a big fan of Taylor Swift. Idk why but i literally love everything about her. I started to like her so much since the 1989 album. I memorize all of the songs from 1989 and i'm still listening to them until now.

I know she got a long list of ex lovers and her blank spaces left may not be as many as ours (lol), but doesn't that means that she had already achieved so much in her life as such age? And she is just 29 years old (?) I don't want to point the spotlight at her love life, but her achievements in life. I know there are so many better role models under the sun and i don't care if the media consistently broadcast to the world about how manipulative Taylor Swift is, or how sarcastic she is through her songs, yada yada, i'm still gonna love her until whenever.

Seriously though, if you really think that Taylor Swift is not talented at all, you gotta watch the video above. I swear she is so good with words. She wrote most of her songs by herself. Her career is defined by her own efforts. She would not come this far if she's just waiting at the corner for any other people to write or compose songs for her. I mean, isn't that inspiring enough? Well, call me bias, but most of her song lyrics mirror so much of what's going on in my life now and then. That's the beauty of her music i guess. It can apply to so many different people all over the world and yet still feel as if it were written just for you. Maybe that's one of the major reason why i love her. Taylor certainly gotten where she needed to go but i believe that's not for lack of a lot of effort. She has been working practically her whole life persistently that i find it pretty darn inspiring. Sometimes i wonder if she ever sleep. 

And while i look up at such person, i realized of how small and how nobody i am in this big, never-slowing-down world. Honestly i have so many fears and insecurities in life, like way a lot that one can imagine. Some people may see me as fearless, goal oriented gal (because that's what i want, what i convince myself to be and my poker game somehow sometimes strong enough) but they have no idea how terrified, how clueless i am on the inside.

True enough, it's end of March already, and i'm still doing data cleaning for my Master's dissertation while some of my friends already run their data whatsoever and it's beyond sickening for me. I hate how slow i am at some things. And sometimes i feel like choking myself to death so that i can end this soon enough. I can't believe that dissertation can be such a grade A pain in my life. Can i just get my Master's Degree without doing my dissertation? Can i? No? Maybe? Fine, i know the only way out is through *cries blood tears*.

And as always, this too shall pass. I've been in this drowning situation many time before but i survived everytime (Alhamdulillah). And i will do it again and again. InsyaAllah. Another 4 months of do or die. Oh Lord, please let Afiqah Norazizi survive this time around. Amin!

"I think fearless is having fears but jumping anyway" - Taylor Swift

WHILE ON THE CONTRARY,

And she made it anyway.

OLABOLA THE MUSICAL

WE FINALLY WENT TO OUR FIRST EVER OFFICIAL THEATRE! 

Well, this was literally our second theatre. The first one was Gadis Jalan Burmah, a story by Redza Minhat. But it was an independent theatre managed by few awesome people with high imagination in story telling that move others.

Tbh, i'm always thankful for twisted fate, cancelled plans, because it always, always lead to a better ending. Me and my sister were actually planning to go to Port Dickson to swim at the beach before we end our semester break because last time we went to Langkawi, we didn't bring our swimming suits. But my parents didn't allow us since there'll be only two of us. My parents actually never really allow us to do any outdoor activities related to nature such as hiking, going to the beach or waterfall, jungle trekking, etc unless if we have better reasons to go or our male cousins, any relatives that 'expert' in that particular activity are with us. Yeah, that's just our parents.

But again, thank God for that, we ended up with OlaBola The Musical! The moment my parents forbid us, I scrolled into my Instagram and saw Iedil Putra's post about OlaBola. I did saw Iedil's posts, spamming a lot about OlaBola before but i never really pay my attention to the posts. 

I know that my parents will always approve this kind of 'activity' (as long as we pay everything with our own pocket money and never asked for extras), so, without any hesitation, i clicked the website for the online tickets. The most expensive price for the ticket with the best view from seat was RM386 and the cheapest price with the most tak-best and tak-nampak-stage seat position was RM58.

We were at the very front row at Upper Circle L1. The ticket was RM113 each. I swear guys, if you are going to theatre and choosing Upper Circle (because Upper Circle is the cheapest among all), please MAKE SURE that you select the very front row as your seat. Because even the second rows can't view all of the performance. No kidding. And if anyone ever asked my opinion, which i know there's no one but i'm gonna spill it anyway (lol), the best views for Istana Budaya is from all the Stall seats, while for the Grand Circle, i only prefer seats at L1, L2, C1, C2, R1 and R2. And for the Upper Circle, only the front-est rows of L1, C1 and R1. Whereas for the rest, you will only waste your money and worse is, you didn't get the same excitement as others. Just my 2 cents. 

Overall, OlaBola The Musical was beyond my expectation. I never watched the movie before. So i was like a 100% first timer. First time theatregoer and first time knowing the story behind the title OlaBola. They claimed that OlaBola The Musical is the biggest show of 2018. And guess what? They are all right! A #LuarBiasa theatrical experience, indeed! I enjoyed every second of the show. It was splendidly... Arghh! I got no word left to describe!

The best part was, i met all of the casts, the ensembles and the director of OlaBola The Musical, Tiara Jacquelina. I already uploaded all of the photos on my Instagram and Instagram Stories (highlighted!). My mind was literally blown away by everything on that night. 

I considered myself as lucky to be part (even as an audience) of this great story about togetherness that touches the hearts of people. I really wish that i can watch it for the second or third time to feast my eyes. But i can't afford more than 1 ticket at this moment. Lol. Also because of time constraint. However, this is still one of the best experience in my life so far. Thanks to the team. And cheers to more great experiences in the future. If Allah wills. 

WISH I CAN TURN BACK TIME

This is Isytal (read: Kristal). I named her Kristal because i took her from my apartment, Kristal View at Shah Alam. She was such a very small stray kitten back then the moment i decided to take her to my hometown with me. I often saw her at the lift lobby. Every time i was at the lift to go up or down, she was always there. Alone. I remember it was Ramadhan, and all of us were having Ramadhan break. All of my friends already went back to their hometowns but i was still at Shah Alam because i was working at Shell which i need to wait for the weekend. 

I don't know whether Isytal was an abandoned cat that someone left her alone or her mom died from something. But she was always alone by herself. I can't afford seeing her in that condition cause i don't think she'll survive for long. Me and my family never really take stray cats home with us because we have enough cats already at home and my mom never allows us.

But not this time. Isytal need to come home with me. I need to take care of her. She need to have a forever home. She can't be a stray cat forever, i told myself. Firm.

So i took some empty boxes at the Shell station to put her in while in the car. At the evening, when i came back at the apartment, she suddenly was not there. I remember, i asked one of cleaner staff, an Indonesian guy to help me find Isytal. I found her at around 5pm that i decided to put her for a while at my Pak Lang's house. Pak Lang told me not to come at that time because of the traffic. But i wanted to make sure that Isytal was safe and i can't let her be in my apartment because i know that my housemates will not like her in the house.

The traffic jam was real. The distance from my apartment to Pak Lang's was supposed to only take about 20 minutes, but i took almost 2 hours because of the traffic. The moment i came back at my apartment, it was almost 8pm. I don't even eat or drink anything yet. And it was Ramadhan. But i was happy enough because i know that Isytal was already in a good hand.

She grew up beautifully at my hometown, safe and sound. My mom helped me in taking care of her and the rest of the cats. All of my cats are literally white and orange in color. But not Isytal. Hehe. She's different. She's grey. But she's not alone because my dad also bring home 2 stray cats from his workplace and both were black and grey just about the same size and age as her. They were like triplet from the same mother and bestfriends.

Isytal was such a good cat. Everytime we let her out from the cage, she never make any scene like breaking a vase, pooping everywhere or anything. Nothing. She was more than a good cat. She never burden us. She grown up beautifully that my male cats fell in love with her. I bet she already has kittens inside her little tummy. I rarely take photos of her because she's rarely inside the house. She likes to stay outside and do her own thing. 

But yesterday morning, i hit her with my car. I didn't realized she was there. I thought none of my cats were under the car that the garage was clear. One of her eyeballs popped out from her head. I never wanted to turn back time so much until the moment i saw her bleeding, struggling for her life on the floor. I ended up sitting on floor, next to her, apologizing to her while looking at her dying body. My head was blank. Stressful surreal blank. I called my mom, dad and my sister but none of them answered my phone calls. That's when i started to cry a river. I called my bestfriend, Sarah. And i don't even remember what i really said to her because i was sobbing hard and my mind was literally gone for seconds with Isytal's soul.

It was all my fault. I take the blame forever. It was my fault cause i didn't checked under the car before i moved, i also didn't honk the car like i always did. I remember the day i hold her and told her to not worry for a thing no more cause i got her for life. I got you, Isytal. But in the end, it was me that hit her hard with my car so bad until she died because of me. The irony. 

Dear Isytal, it was so heartbreaking seeing you dying like this with blood all over your body. I am truly sorry that i can't no longer help you at that time. I am sorry for my failure to give you sufficient attention that you need in life that i ended up hit you and killed you by myself. I am sorry for everything.

I am beyond happy to have you home with me. I hope you were happy growing up here with the family as well. I just want you to know that i love you the moment i first time saw you at the lift lobby. I love you so much now, until forever. I hope you never hate me for causing you death. You was not just any cat. You were the first cat that i brought home from Shah Alam to Seliau. It took about 2 hours driving. And driving a cat home, alone, was never easier. Thanks to you.

Losing a cat is excruciating. Losing you, Isytal, like this, is undeniably excruciating. In fact, i'm going through it and grieving as i write this. This is indeed, one of the most intense experiences i have to get through. I love you Isytal. I will always do. And i don't want to forget about you. May we reunite in the hereafter. Kakak sayang Isytal.